I think about it all the time. How life would be so simple and probably much easier if we, people, didn’t have pride or fear.
If at the time you find yourself getting close to someone, you totally commit to the feeling and not stress about keeping the feeling to yourself.
It’s fear. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of putting yourself out there and allowing someone to see into your heart.
And the funny thing is, in all probability, the person that you’re afraid to tell ‘Hey, I like hanging out with you, I miss you when you’re not around” is more than likely feeling the same thing too.
Oh life is so funny. People are funny.
18 responses so far ↓
Gish // March 19, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thats me right there funny, afraid of being exposed and vulnerable. If only it was easy.
Gela Words // March 19, 2008 at 6:26 am
Yeah Gish, if only.
bakannal // March 19, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I feel you but c’mon, are we that hard to read?
Esteban Agosto Reid // March 20, 2008 at 10:16 am
Certainly, it is the fear of being vulnerable and may be to some extent a degree or modicum of pride , of being rejected.The fear of rejection can be monumental. But nonetheless, by this stage in one’s dating life and romantic experiences, one would assume that one (you)would be somewhat proficient and experience, with respect to sending various types of messages, cues,clues ,and sundry forms of communications in a subtle manner expressing a level of emotional interest. And indeed, as time progresses with respect to some sense of comprehension of your emotional feelings and also an understanding of the emotional feeling of the person in question, you can always ratchet up or increase/decrease the intensity of the cues and messages being sent.In being emotionally circumspect, it lends for you not being vulnerable and anxious vis-a -vis any possible rejection.Notwithstanding, a caveat,love is never rational, it is often irrational and emotional.Consequently,just be brave/bold and go for it,someone has to make a move.Maybe you should!!RESPECT!!
jdid // March 21, 2008 at 12:00 am
but sometimes the fear is valid isnt it?
Esteban Agosto Reid // March 21, 2008 at 8:18 am
What I find interesting about this question, issue or problem,is that women today are supposedly much more liberated and enlightened regarding gender roles and the transformation of historically rigid roles.Consequently,one would assume that they(women) would not be consumed or constrained by such irrational fears and pride.Hence,they would be more bold,pro-active and initiative oriented regarding their feelings and emotions vis-a-vis the opposite sex ,as opposed to exhibiting antiquated Victorian values and psychology as to whether they should make the first move.Interestingly,there are women that/who may be the initiators by employing a pro-active psychology regarding their emotional dispositions,which again could backfire, or may pose problems for certain males regarding potential emasculation or emasculation, because they are of the perspective that men should be the initiators as a consequence of perceiving and understanding mating roles in a old fashioned and anachronistic manner based on masculine socialization .Consequently,such a value or psychology may result in some form of emotional tension.Subjectively,one is of the perspective, that it may be better if the male takes the initiative,but some men need to be prodded,so the female should also be involved here by looking at the emotional costs and benefits and again send the necessary clues.Females are very good at this,it is just a question of deploying and utilizing the arsenal of emotional cues.RESPECT!!
CityGirl // March 21, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Ahh, Esteban. I really do believe in letting the people know how you’re feeling. Of course after you’ve gauged the situation and get an idea of whether the feelings could be reciprocated. And I do that. But gosh, there are times when I think - wow, wonder if I’m putting myself out there too much. And that’s when I’m gripped with fear and then tempted (and give in to the temptation at times) to disappear just to cool things down a bit. Crazy huh?
CityGirl // March 21, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Hmmm. I’m very, very curious about you, you know Esteban. You do express yourself the way a certain good friend of mine does. You have me wondering if he’s discovered my blog. Hmmmmm. I wonder.
Esteban Agosto Reid // March 22, 2008 at 8:45 am
CityGirl, I am utilizing my legal names (Christian,middle and surname) as opposed to a pseudonym or moniker in response to the issues and questions posted on your website. Consequently, you would have immediately discerned or recognized my name with respect to being a good friend.From my end, it is difficult to determine or ascertain who CityGirl is,as a cnsequence of such a nomenclature being a moniker as opposed to your given names.Notwithstanding,irrespective of names,it is extremely possible,or likely,that our paths could or may have crossed.As they say in Jamaica,di wurl small fi true. Ergo, the sense of familiarity relative to your good friend and his mode of expressing himself.Concerning your blog,I find it very interesting, specifically, when you address or raise questions and issues regarding complex human relations involving male/female dynamics and interactions, as is being asked in the current or extant post.It is quite apparent that you hold your friend in great esteem, or quite favourably,so,I am flattered to be mistaken for him vis-a-vis a similar mode of expression.CityGirl,the psychology of being gripped with fear is comprehensible.Interestingly,it is not unique to you,it is somewhat typical, and I think your paradigm of reciprocity is apropos.Also,in situations of love and emotions, there is/are no formulaic answers,follow your instincts,that visceral gut feeling (in this case your heart) and do what is good for you, such as cooling things down a bit,with the expectation that you will try again by employing cues if the suitor or beau is not pro-active.Hopefully,by that time he would have taken the iniitiative.CityGirl, nuff RESPECT!!
Leon // March 22, 2008 at 11:22 am
You bring up an interesting point. But it is a defense mechanism, plus many of us, whether it be our upbringing or experiences with others, find it difficult to trust.
Esteban Agosto Reid // March 22, 2008 at 1:56 pm
CityGirl,I think that Leon’s perspective should not be dismissed or ignored.Indeed,the question of trust is essential in any relationship.Therefore, if one has experienced negative and or toxic relations, lacking and devoid of trust,this may only help to reinforce and exacerbate the psychology of fear.In this regard, one would have to re-learn how to trust. And at times, this is virtually impossible, because so called re-learning is a function ,degree and intensity of how difficult psychologically and emotionally the earlier toxic,poisonous,and negative relationships were, with respect to the significant other being trustworthy,honest or untrustworthy and capricious.RESPECT!!
Stunner // March 24, 2008 at 9:14 am
Fear does protect us at times, whereas it prevents us from achieving our full potential and to open up to someone who we might just have a great life together with. The trick is seems, is to overcome the fears that prevents us from the good in life.
Cranky Putz // March 25, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Everything in balance….a little bit of fear, a little bit of bravado….usually keeps things just right…
Btw, can we get the real story, like who you found out is like with you, as you are with him?
I am an intutive fellow blogger…
Cool Destiny // April 13, 2008 at 9:50 pm
That post almost sounded like a piece of a very juicy story. I’m late as usual but waiting to hear what all this fear is all about and who is feeling the same way as city girl.
katcampbell // April 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Rejection causes so many complicated emotions. Seems only natural to fear putting yourself out there.
eemanee // April 20, 2008 at 5:42 pm
girl, sometimes that fear can be necessary. and yes, do tell the rest of the story.
fizzio brown // May 4, 2008 at 10:22 am
Gela, Its all about being self less, is it not? The funny thing is, I have no fear of being honest and open when it comes to relations, I’d rather be hurt by the truth, than be spared the hurt with a lie. Neither do I have reservations on expressing my feelings and letting people know how special they are… If only I could find such a one. Nobody is gonna find the perfect mate … huh? (what a mouthful .. eh)
Mighty Afroditee // July 2, 2008 at 1:47 pm
…hmprh! The person may be feeling the same thing, or may be a rat bastard in disguise, so sometimes it may be necessary to hold on to the pride and fear. People can be so callous with each other, and emotions are so fickle and fleeting.
But, doah mind me. Just my cynicism coming out…
Leave a Comment