I am not sleeping with your man!!!!

I had a very interesting day on Wednesday. During the morning while at work, I got a phone call from this woman advising that I “stop f–cking her man.” At first I thought it was a wrong number (after all I haven’t slept with anyone since last year) because the person didn’t even have the correct name. She had asked to speak with ‘Alicia.’ Anyway, after I heard the name she asked for, I advised that she had the wrong number at which point she insisted that it wasn’t. So I asked “Who is it that you want Miss?”
Response - “I want to speak with you.”
Me - “What’s the name of the person you want?”
Response “That’s irrelevant right now, if your cell number is ——–, you’re the person I want.”

I was just about to hang up on this time-waster when she shocked me with the “You’re fucking the wrong man” statement.

WTH!!! I’m being blamed for a game that I’m not playing? Shocking!!!!! I wish to hell I was sleeping with someone.

After getting over the initial shock, I started to think of all my male friends and which one would have someone in their life who would make that mistake.

So I ticked them off mentally. There’s the ‘person running me down for last 15 years that I feel like I’m starting to like’. Check. Nah, couldn’t be him, he doesn’t deal with those dramatic types. Ok, then there’s neighbor who has girl-friend overseas and obviously sleeping with people out here -more than 1 person I think. He did say once that his girl-friend is into drama like that. Hmmm, I wonder. I didn’t have long to wait to find out. The phone rang again. Even though I have an office for myself, I didn’t think it would be conducive for the conversation that I expected would ensue, so I stepped outside.

I tend not to get into these situations, stayed far from them. Apart from a major error in judgement some years ago when I very briefly dated this married man (silly, silly me) I thought I was in love with, I don’t mess with other people’s person. I was nevertheless, quite intrigued by this unfolding drama.

Outside:

“Hello? Excuse me? I’m not sleeping with your man.” (didn’t even think at the time to confirm which man I’m supposedly bedding)
“Yes you are. Your number is ———–, you’re sleeping with my man, and I’m coming to Jamaica to sort it out.”
“Huh? I’m not sleeping with your man! You have the wrong person!!!” (Still haven’t found out which man this was, but sounding like a stuck record, see how much experience I have dealing with this sort of thing??)
“My name is G——. My man’s name is ——— ———. Don’t you know that person?”

At this point everything became quite clear. At this point too I realize that if the woman seemed so sure she had the right person, I should have inquired about the identity of the man, but that didn’t seem relevant since I wasn’t sleeping with anyone at all, regardless of identity.

It was as I suspected, my player-neighbor. Now, how did I come to be in this situation? This is not even someone I hang out with. We do talk a lot, have a good neighborly relationship, I know about his girlfriend(s). He’s hinted that things weren’t too right with girl-friend overseas (the irate caller). I know that he sees other people out here, have even given him suggestions on what to wear on one of his dates with girl here in Jamaica. I have even spoken to irate-caller on her trips here, she doesn’t even realize she’s speaking to the neighbor she has hailed up cheerfully on more than one occasion.

Anyway, I don’t know if I managed to convince irate-caller-girlfriend, but I made it very clear that not only am I not sleeping with her man, I have no damn desire nor interest in doing so. Can you imagine upon hearing that, the next question was “What? You don’t find him attractive?” I replied that I’m just not interested and her response was “Well, he wants to sleep with you.” Dammit it woman, if the man wants to sleep with me how is it my problem? He can take a number!!! (Well, I didn’t say this but I was thinking it).

Sigh. Why do women do this anyway? This woman is going to fly all the way from the States to deal with the situation of her man sleeping with someone. Is it logical to try and track down all the women and warn/intimidate them into not accepting the advances of her man? Isn’t it simply to just kicker the f–ker to the damn curb? I don’t get it. To me even if a woman is sleeping with ‘your man’ you need to deal with the man about the situation because 1)the other woman can and more likely will be replaced if the man is determined to sleep outside the relationship 2)the other woman probably don’t know that she’s the ‘other woman’ instead of the main one. 3) the other woman didn’t make a commitment to you and probably don’t care too hoots any-dam-way!

I wanted to advise her to kick neighbor to the curb because I know he has other other women but didn’t think it was my place to do so.

If she insists on coming to Jamaica to deal with it, I do hope she quickly identify the guilty party though, don’t want to be fielding slaps and kicks meant for someone else.

In the meantime, maybe I should install a peep-hole in my door.