Presumptious Pussy

Yesterday morning I woke up to the sounds of insistent meowing. Somehow all the stray cats in surrounding my apartment complex designated my area the ‘horny zone’ so I’m really accustomed to the occasional caterwauling, as they get ready to get their groove on. I noticed however, that the meowing was quite extended and seemed even closer than normal. These damn cats could never be brazen enough to come and have sex on my balcony I thought irately. Well, they had apparently passed that stage. Having designated my little area the horny/get it on zone, they apparently thought that my weed/bush garden was the ideal place to start a family. Nestled comfortably beside their mother were about 3 kittens. I thought briefly about evicting the presumptious pussy from her chosen labour ward but after seeing the unflinching glare that I was subjected to, decided to leave her alone. Plus apart from being a coward (the protective instinct of animals for their young is well documented), I don’t think I would have had the heart to do so.

Getting Older and Way Too Much Info (WTMI)

Ok, I don’t mind getting old. But can I retain the svelte figure that I had in my 20’s? So, I don’t mind a little bumper, everyone’s been saying that it looks nice on me anyway, but can I not have a belly to match? As a matter of fact, friends who are accustomed to me having a near (I would say) wash-board tummy are now asking if I’m pregnant and if I didn’t know for sure that there will never be a second immaculate conception, I would have wondered myself. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I no longer wear a bikini to the beach, opting instead for a tankini (you know the swimsuit with the long top to hide the bellies). I am not necessarily convinced at this moment that the song “Gal tuck een yu belly” refers to me (unless I think he’s being prophetic) but I’m certainly sprinting to that point. My clothes don’t fit that well anymore and of necessity, I now prefer longer tops.

Also, do you 30 y-o’s notice that when you laugh the laugh lines no longer disappear, choosing instead to linger in your face a bit.

Oh this takes the cake. You’re talking to someone, just started a sentence and ……. nothing! You don’t remember where the sentence was leading to or what you wanted to say? Do I hear AMEN from the 30plus community. Embarrassing.

Not to mention those tell-tale signs of varicose veins that have brought my shorts, mini-wearing days to a premature, abrupt end.

Well listen, I don’t care what anyone else says about getting old gracefully, I hate it. I want to retain the knowledge that the years bring AND keep the body. Why can’t I have it all?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Do y’all notice that people now use “how are you/how yu doing” as a replacement for “Hello.” Or is it just me? So someone approaches me and says “How are you” and before I can open my mouth to tell him how I am, he/she is long gone? Why not just stick to Hello if you’re really not interested.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ok, I know we live in this wonderfully liberated world where no topic is out-of-bounds. And that’s fine. Well not really. Call me an old fuddy-duddy. Whatever! I think certain things just need to be kept to oneself. I hear people talking at times and think WTMI (Way Too Much Information). Example, in the cafeteria line at work and heard a female telling a man that she was so hungry the previous day that her period started early. Huh? Is that possible though? well, that’s not the point. Now this was in response to a comment about how long the lunch line was. Does everyone in the line need to be privy to her mentrual cycle.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….