So tomorrow I fly back home. I don’t know why everytime I go on a plane, I feel as if I’m embarking on a suicide mission. You’d believe years of flying (several trips per year) would have dulled this feeling and allayed my fears. No such luck. I especially hate flying on American Airline (which I’ll be on tomorrow) since in addition to thinking that the plane might just fall out of the sky, I also have to worry about their enemies taking potshots with me on board. I still think that we need parachutes instead (or as well as) life jackets on board.
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I did the exam that I’m here for today. I really can’t say if I’ve passed. The first 3 sections of the paper (3 sets of 24 multiple choice) were fine. After that it went downhill. But I haven’t given up hope. The last time, I felt really hopeless and there’s no way I could get more than say, 60%, I end up failing by one %. How cruel is that? So the exam can swing anyway. Hopefully the person marking won’t have a fight with whosoever and cause me to suffer for it. I don’t know why I don’t give up on this exam though. Others have. Well, actually I know why. I don’t want to feel like I’ve given up on a goal that I’ve set for myself. And this is the last part of the educational goal which was, get 1st degree, get masters, get professional. It’s partly my fault that I keep getting borderline grade on this particular exam. If truth be told, my studying really has been borderline. I need to remember to the study pattern that worked while completing a degree is totally different from the study pattern that needs to be developed when pursuing a professional qualification.
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It’s a small victory but it’s huge to me, as uncomfortable as I am with heights. Can you imagine me running up the very, very steep escalator at Wheaton subway station? I couldn’t help reminiscing this afternoon while speeding down said escallator. I remember the first time I got off the train, followed fellow passengers around the bend and was confronted with the steepest escallator in the world. I stooped down, looked up in horror and noted that it was perfectly vertical. I balked, went back towards the train, stood outside awhile pondering my options. I could hop back on a train, and find a bus that takes me to Wheaton. But what was the point of that though? I’m already here. So I gathered the little courage I had left, pushed my heart down back to chest level and wait on the next surge of passengers to alight from the train. I thought I’d be fine as long as I position myself behind someone tall enough to block my vision from the offending view. I was doing fine too until the person proved too impatient to just stand while being taken to the top. Somehow, on that fateful day, I made it to the top without spilling my lunch on some unfortunate soul. Fast forward 7 mths later and I’m skipping up and down said not-so-fearful escallator. I’m quite happy.
